are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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