Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
