What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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