...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
