ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
