I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
