thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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