ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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