I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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