we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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