I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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