I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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