Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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