"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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