i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
