dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
