She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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