he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
