don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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