I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
