It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
