My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
