Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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