tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
