he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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