are you so shy because you have an std?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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