capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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