Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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