I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
