im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
