i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
