if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i now understand why vodka
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
