get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm always down for nudity.
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