I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So squirting runs in the family.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
