I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
