we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
