I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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