ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
