We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize