can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
