So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
