i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I stole a fireplace last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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