i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize