if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did I show you my penis last night?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
