I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish I only lived at night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
