Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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