Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
