Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
