today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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