ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
