I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
