Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
