we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
