Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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