So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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