What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
