I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
