Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like eating out sand paper
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
