why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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