my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
