I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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