evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
