We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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