did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
operation have a gay friend backfired
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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