I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
