grandma shit on top of the toilet
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
