the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
