Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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