My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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