thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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