You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
