Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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