Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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