True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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