Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
