my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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