That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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