What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
