If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
