Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
