3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
