Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
